Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
St. Patricks day is the only time you can ask somebody in public,"Do you want some green" without you looking suspect.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin` spoon!"
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
The ideal man doesn`t smoke, doesn`t drink, doesn`t do drugs, doesn`t swear, doesn`t get angry, doesn`t exist
Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.
Being clean and sober means i’ve showered and am heading to the liquor store.
No matter how hard I try, I just never seem to run out of bad ideas.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.