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The best nicknames are the ones people don`t know they have.
My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
I will not be satisfied until I see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
I got on-line to check the weather...That was 12 years ago.
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Instead of cleaning the house I just watch an episode of Hoarders and I think WOW, my house really looks great.
I was way too drunk last night to drive home. So I drove to another party.
I got 99 problems but a least my name aint North West.
my imaginary friend thinks ur crazy? an shes hot!
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
The Ex is bringing my kids back home. Time to strategically place the panties I bought from Victoria`s secret around the house.
Every Girls Night Out has at least one crier.
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.