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It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they`re all like "we need to talk."
How did the person who invented the first clock know what time it was?
Guys: Bet a female friend that she can’t touch her bellybutton with both elbows. Enjoy the view.
Looking back at old text messages and Facebook messages and being like "What the hell was I thinking when I said that."
Why am I not allowed to post anything on here?
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Dear piece of paper that wont go in the dust pan ... f*ck you!
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
Being a Zombie doesn`t sound that bad. You don`t have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.
I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.