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Some days your the bug; some days your the windshield.
I know this will probably piss off a bunch of people I know, but what makes someone good at fishing?!? Seriously, all you did was wait longer.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
You say mystery bruise, I say drinking badge of honor.
Sorry I`m late. I had five cups of coffee and became convinced I could probably bend a fork with my mind, so I had to give it an honest try.
When I said I like it rough I was talking about the sex, not the whole entire relationship...
am I the only one who would beat the sh!t out of someone for wearing a "forever lazy" to a tailgate?
If you can read this please let me know - because it means I blocked the wrong person.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.