Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Laundry is like sex in reverse: you drop in a load, everything gets wet, then rolls around and ends up dry and neatly folded.
I don`t know why beer companies bother with an expiration date. It`s never going to make it anywhere near that.
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
Think about what last call would look like if Walmart had a bar
I`m confused by this "It`s 5 o`clock somewhere" statement. Bars open at 11. Idiots.
REPOSTED~WARNING~PLEASE READ! If someone comes to your door and asks you to remove your clothes,and dance with your arms in the air...~DO NOT DO THIS....~It is a SCAM~...They just want to see you naked....I wish I had known this yesterday....I feel so stupid now
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
Living with a child is like using a blender with no lid...
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.
Just bought a car with the money from my swear jar.