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The face jewelry is getting out of hand. I saw a guy today that looked like he had done a face plant in a tackle box.
It’s a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.
And for my next magic trick, I`ll walk down a street and turn into a bar.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
I`m just doing what the beer tells me to.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
Word for the day is asstard
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I’m sorry I offended you with my common sense.
Just assume that we aren’t close enough for you to send me a game invites on Facebook.
"I went to Jared" I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.