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I order all my food with extra gluten.
I am one of those people who presses every button in the elevator when I`m getting out =]
why me is me ?
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
Best grilled cheese ever!! All I did was add a hamburger patty.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
Every time I go to the bank I ask if they are giving out any free samples.
I hate when someone texts me cause then I can`t post anything on the internet or they`ll know I`m ignoring them.
True love is when you burn your tongue when you take a bite from a pizza and you still keep eating it.
Cute things to put in a letter to your boyfriend/girlfriend; I adore you. You complete me. Must stay 500 yards away at all times.