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Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone`s cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
It`s Monday. I`m refreshed and ready to hate my Job
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
WARNING: Objects in profile pics are not as pretty as they appear.
Happy Elastic Waistband Day
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
So this guy pointing a gun to my face was like: Your money or your life! and I was like: I`m on Facebook, I don`t have money or a life.
I know the voices aren`t real, but man do they come up with some great ideas.
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
As you get closer and closer to the end of this status, I think it`s important that you lower your expectations.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Wesley Snipes was released from prison this week. Now he can finally begin filming "Blade 4: Twilight."
I may be asking too much of this coffee.