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A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Women spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Good to know that if they ever release a lion in Walmart you only have to run faster than the fat lady with the zebra print pants on.
It doesn`t take much to make a woman happy, but it takes even less to make her mad.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
I like to say, "Well, enough with the small talk" before anyone has a chance to speak.
My girlfriend told me I`m starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Don’t let anyone push you around. Unless it’s in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
It doesn`t matter if you don`t like my personality... I have several more!
Just because I know I`m a "Good looking, extremely intelligent, funny as hell, sexy ass, Motherf#ker" doesn`t mean I`m "Conceited"...Im more like a "Realist", that just so happens to be very good with adjectives!...A "Bad-Ass Realist", that is!
My ex-wifes facebook status said "I`m depressed and on the edge"... So I poked her!