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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Wow!!! Thank you guy on Facebook I went to high school with and haven`t spoken to in 14 years, you really changed my mind about this upcoming election....
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
My parents would hide fruit roll ups on top of the refrigerator, where I couldn`t reach them. Then leave chemicals right under the sink.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain why i fell asleep on the kitchen counter… naked… again..
I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats
Drinking always starts out as the best idea you’ve ever had.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
Hey, sorry I`m late ... I didn`t want to come
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
I’m actually a really nice guy once you get to blow me.