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How do I tell my boss I don`t want to do work anymore but still want money.
says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."
"But why?" - Me at weddings
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Who named the walkie talkie and why isn`t the vacuum called the pushy sucky?
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
I wonder how many couples would still be together if they traded phones for a weekend
Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy
That frustrating feeling when the microwave trips the circuit breaker and you have no idea how much longer your lunch needs to be nuked.
"There`s more than one way to skin a cat." -Chinese restaurant proverb
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.