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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
Three decades of playing Tetris have apparently not improved our nation`s ability to stow overhead luggage.
I`m running low on funny but I have plenty of sexy left.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
I`m not everyone`s cup of tea ... I`d rather be someone`s shot of tequila away.
I was enjoying our conversation, but then I stopped talking and the whole thing got really boring.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
Impressing the McDonald’s drive thru people with my music is always a top priority.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
I bet the YMCA dance is alot harder to do in Chinese.
The best government job has to be assigning names to secret operations.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.