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I like to friend friends of friends then unfriend the first friend to freak out the friend of a friend.
Wanted: Magic hat for a snowman
have you ever been like "what`s the day today? ... no i mean the like the number".
I don`t have friends, I have acquaintances and parasites.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
The best things in life are free, but they still screw you on shipping.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Let`s start by taking some notes today. I`m fabulous bitches! Write that down.
If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
The worst thing about parallel parking is witnesses.
Roses are red, Violets are blue... Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you thought this would be something sweet and charming, but it`s just some garden facts.
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
How much Hershey`s Chocolate Syrup can I add before it`s really not a SlimFast shake anymore?
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!