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I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Maybe it`s the washer and not the dryer that steals the socks.
If you can´t afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don´t know where you are.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
Nipples (noun) - the body`s way of telling you the weather
Always give 100% at work: 12% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 20% Thursday, 5% Friday.
On your birthday I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
I wonder if people that live in Hawaii have screensavers of bumper to bumper traffic?
whenever I take my clothes off the shower usually gets turned on
Before Google, I averaged 220 Snapple bottles before I found the answer.
I’m not sure why, but to me Cheerios sound like the happiest of all circular shaped cereals.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
F is for friends who do stuff without you.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.