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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
I swear, watching people at a 4-way stop sign is like watching ‘Night at the Roxbury.’ “Him? Me? Oh Me? Me or Him?”
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
the kids next door challenged me to a water fight. I`m just updating my status while the kettle boils
It`s like my golf instructor thinks I`m mature enough to handle him talking about balls, and how to properly grip the club.
It`s like my bank account doesn`t understand me at all.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Asking a girl what exactly she looks for in a guy is like asking her "what exactly do I have to do to get friendzoned?
This stupid lady is taking forever using her damn coupons for her groceries. All these rolls of pennies are heavy! Hurry up!
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Don`t EVER break a pinky promise. That sh!t is LEGIT.
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
wishes that more people would declare thumb wars these days. I`m sure that all this texting has prepared my thumb muscles for battle.