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Apparently, the answer "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
Seeing a spider isn`t a problem. It becomes a problem when the spider disappears.
What idiot named them nostrils instead of scent vents?
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
Yes, autocorrect, that`s right. I hate that stupid ditch
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
A sheep spends it`s entire life fearing the wolf only to be eaten by the Shepherd.
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
My problem is, I`m about 30% stud, and 70% muffin.
Oh, honey, you have gone beyond muffin top. That`s a busted can of biscuits!