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Cop: There was no else going anywhere nearly as fast as you! Me: I know. I was winning.
If you need help moving I am one hundred percent there for you emotionally.
I’m at Code 5 today. I don’t know. It’s something this lady in the coffee shop said and I liked it. So now I’m using it, too.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
"Hey, man, just called to see when you`re going to commercial. Now? Ok, us too." -Radio Stations
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
After committing a crime, always carry a fire extinguisher. No one gets stopped while running with a fire extinguisher.
We`re shutdown, but not `stop collecting taxes` shutdown. - the government
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
My mind has a mind of its own.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?