Daily Silly Status

If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.

Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?

I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.

"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-

Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?

I don’t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.

The guest of honour was a bit subdued. The Keyboardist was playing too softly for my liking. But it was a good turnout, lots of food and laughter. But break out into one choreographed `Thriller` dance routine and the crowd goes all apesh!t and tosses you out of the funeral home.

We Should Have A Way Of Telling People Their Breath Stinks Without Hurting Their Feelings. Like: "I`m bored, let`s go brush our teeth"

To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!

And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."

Jealous women do better research then the FBI. True story.

I`m so deep in the friendzone that I`ve met her boyfriends parents

The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.

Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.

No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.