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Violently swerving your car will not throw a spider off the window. Doesn`t work like it does with humans. Just in case you need to know.
I know I have a long way to go but look at how far I`ve come.
Okay, let’s get this straight. There’s no way everone here has the best boyfriend in the world.
Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
Lazy Rule 47: If you spill water, it will eventually dry.
It’s like nobody ever considers the consequences of getting to know me.
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
Passed a vampire, a zombie, and a prostitute on the way to work tonight. Not sure which ones were in costume…
Guys, how many times have you said "it looks great honey" when you really are just laughing inside?
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Surveys say 1 out of every 2 people suck at math. It`s terrible that 80% of the population can`t even do the easiest calculations.
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.