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People reckon I´m too patronizing (that means I treat them as if they´re stupid).
World Cup Soccer? If I wanted to watch someone struggle to score for 90 minutes, I`d go watch some of my single friends at the bar.
Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I`d prefer something else.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
I could never cheat in a relationship, That requires 2 women to find me attractive.
A word to the wise ain`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice!
So if a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should we trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
I hope when I die Charlie Sheen`s life flashes before my eyes.
Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines.
Trying to master the art of eating a powdered donut without looking like I just left Charlie Sheen`s house.