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I have a brilliant idea once every seven beers.
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn’t always write.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Instead of “single” as a relationship option, it should read “independently owned and operated”
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I know karate, jujitsu, judo, taekwondo and 28 other dangerous words. Still wanna` mess with me?
Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine.
Who called them expiration dates instead of spoiler alerts
Do you have to water a Pointsettia or do they die on their own?
FYI....just in case something happens.....The cashier at the liquor store down the street is my emergency contact person.
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)