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Two interesting facts for you: 1) Some pine cones look like poop. 2) I`m never kicking anything wearing flip flops again.
?-- that guy is cute ?
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? ... I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
Relationships are like bathrooms. I`m in them a lot longer than I need to be, probably cause I`m playing on my phone the whole time.
Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?
My favorite beer is the next one.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Bowling is my favorite sport because you don`t have to run and there`s beer five feet away.
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces.
I knew she was about to say something intelligent because she began with, "You once told me..."
How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P