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I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
i spend 800% off my life exaggerating
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
Some people think I`m quiet, others wish I was.
I love talking about nothing. It’s the only thing I know anything about.
2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!
When I was a teenager, a "selfie" meant something totally different than it does today.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
Netflix would be by far the best dating site. "Here are 9 other singles in your area who have also watched Pokemon for 12 straight hrs"
When finding someone to date, drinking compatibility is more important than you think.