Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can`t conjugate verbs.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
I`m not lazy, I`m in energy saving mode.
Whenever I start to hate my job I think about the camera crew who has to follow the Kardashian’s 24/7.
It’s a strange moment, when you realize that the sound of nature is the sound of millions of animals, birds, and insects desperately trying to get laid.
I`m working out my budget and, provided I don`t live past Tuesday, I can retire relatively comfortably!!!
One day, people are gonna write songs about the nap I`m about to take.
In an alternate universe somewhere, all the ducks are making white girl faces.
I’ve realized I get ridiculously nervous driving behind semi’s or trucks carrying sh!t that could fall out and impale me all because of final destination 2.
Apparently you can not demand to be strip searched.
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.