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"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Doing absolutely nothing on the weekends has started to feel more fun than actually going out.
Right now I`m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I`ve forgotten this before.
It`s almost Valentines Day and I still don`t know what to get myself yet.
I think it`s really strange how some people talk to their animals, give them personalities and make up voices for them. My dog, Benjamin, agrees with me.
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
One great thing about life before the internet was if you met someone, you didn`t then have to know them the rest of your life.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
If cats could talk, they`d probably always be correcting your grammar.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Never underestimate the power of cleavage.
If you take bites out of string cheese rather than rip strings off , you don’t f*cking deserve string cheese.
Saw a wasp in a spider web and I don`t know who to root for.