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How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
Lord, if I can`t be skinny, make my friends look fat.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
Well it`s about time I get in line for that Star Wars movie
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
I don`t get it. If violets are blue, why do we call them violets?
I`m getting worried about this Ebola virus. I mean, I`ve got Norton but...
Why the hell do we still use snow shovels when flame throwers are available?
Life is just like a p@nis: Simple, relaxed and hanging freely, It`s the women who make it hard.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Mary Had a Little Lamb, Little Lamb, Little Lamb. Maybe she wasn`t that hungry.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
I can eat a piece of pie without a plate or a fork what else should I write on this dating site profile?
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"