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Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
Home is where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
They ordered two extra large pizzas at work. I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.
If you’re so much better than the leading brand then why are you not the leading brand?
The Olympians stories are amazing! The Ukrainian whose family was killed, the Korean who escaped slavery, the American who never had wifi.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.
I always thought I looked like romeo, until I washed the picture off my mirror...