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I miss the days when minding your own business was a thing.
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
Quiet people have the loudest minds.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
I like them big and fake. ~Me talking about Christmas trees
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
You don`t get smarter as you get older. There just aren`t any stupid things left that you haven`t already done.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Now that there is no FBI director we can finally make copies of VHS tapes
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.