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My daughter just explained to me that these dinner postings were not real invites. I have to apologize to all my friends out there for showing up last week.
To all the people who think they don`t need deodorant: What in the world would make you think that?
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I use profanity, the way Picasso used a paint brush
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
Dear Car driving 40mph on the highway this morning. It`s only a 1/4“ of snow plus you have a "Jesus Fish" on your bumper. You`ll be just fine.
Today I saw a cat with three legs, which was much better than finding the alternative, just a cat`s leg.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Hey mother in law.... Don`t tell me how to raise my kids. Im still trying to raise yours.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
I put the PRO in inappropriate!
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She`s 97 today and we don`t know where the hell she is.