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I don`t believe women belong in the kitchen... because men are better at that too
All the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting up in my truck.
Sarcasm and orgasm. Two things most people don`t get. Those who do are smiling right now.
My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He`s told every other person on earth and I didn`t want y`all to be out of the loop.
The next time you feel you’re worthless…. just remember…. your organs are worth a LOT of money on the black market.
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
This "doing nothing" is hard work, how am I supposed to know when I`m done?
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Keep calm and pretend today isn’t Monday.
I have a kid in Africa I inoculate, feed, clothe and send to school for only $1 day. It cost a lot to send him over there though.
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
Nothing starts my day off quite like an inspirationsl status!...May your day go fast, your socks match and your underwear no ride up your a$$.
I’m not always rude. Sometimes I’m sleeping.