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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
I get more excited seeing my luggage on a baggage carousel than I do seeing a person I know.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
This jar of peanut butter says "may contain nuts" on it. Remember when survival of the fittest was a thing? Good times.
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Wal-Mart
I`m a fantastic secret-keeper because, deep down, I really don`t care enough to actually talk about it to anyone else.
If there is a wrong place and a wrong time, I’ll be there.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
If you can`t handle me at my worst I completely understand, because I can`t either.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson