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Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Where did Noah keep his bees? ... In the ark hives ... Yes, I`m showing myself out, thanks
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
How awesome would it be if boobs made maraca sounds when you shook them? LOL
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Buying an airline ticket is like paying shipping and handling for yourself.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
all joking aside, think how many babies might be created tonight on valentines day
You call it reckless driving, I call it searching for my lighter.