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Arguing with a woman is like buying a lottery ticket, you`re proably not gonna win, but you`re sure as hell gonna try!
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
You would be amazed how cheap lawn mowers are at Home Depot when you own a pickup truck and a orange apron.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
When your parties have glasses instead of red cups, you’re a grown up.
Word for today: Dipshidiot
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Do you think all the giraffes sit around and watch Margaret in Nebraska give birth?
My last thought in life will probably be ” I wonder what happens if I touch this?”
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.