Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
Bad Morning: As I sit on the throne remembering I used all the toilet paper last night for Halloween pranks.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles and pay to walk through a field to pick our own for $27.
I’ve never considered myself much of a conspiracy theorist. Then I discovered the letters in Frito Lay could be rearranged to spell Oily Fart- Coincidence?… I think not!!!
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
You find my yoga pants distracting ... would you like me to take them off?
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
I was about to do something awesome, again, but I told myself “Enough is enough, that’s plenty of awesome for one day”
They said I couldn`t drink or operate machinery on my medication. But here I am…Driving a forklift…Sipping a beer…Lifting up my boss`s car…
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who really do.
Fact: No one has ever "Jumped in the shower."
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver