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Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
You can`t fix STUPID, but you can Numb it with a 2x4.
The United States is probably the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer all day.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
Work like you don`t have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at
So it`s racist to call a team Redskins but it`s okay to call a restaurant Cracker Barrel ?
Friendships must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
According to my fitness app, I watched TV for 6 miles this week.
Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. Iām starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
When blondes have more fun do they know it?
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.