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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Grab the bull by the horns. The other end is too gross...
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
And by "whatever" I mean f*ck you.
This bald spot just appeared out of thin hair.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Things ain`t nobody got time for: That
I`ll be busy tonight taking my girlfriend out to dinner and then having sex all night. Is what I`d be saying if I had money ... or a girlfriend