Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
How is it that when you are dead and a zombie you can rip open a man`s ribcage, but when you are alive you struggle with a bag of chips?
I never meant to be so cold, I never meant to be so cold. - Mother nature
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
The Manning`s Thanksgiving is going to be awkward this year. "Eli, can you pass the stuffing- oh wait, you better let Peyton do it."
I want to start a womans magazine called "Period". ..then every few months I`ll send it out late JUST to freak them out. ;)
I’m going to start telling girls that I’m available for a limited time only in hopes that their shopping instinct kicks in.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
I only like clicky pens when I am the clicker.
I`m not mental, other wise the rubber duckies would have told me by now...
If you are going to call the cops every time you spot me in your bushes I don`t think this relationship is going to work.
Apparently telling the airline stewardess that airplane food is "da bomb dat hijacked my tastebuds" is not considered a compliment......
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?