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I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
Don`t act like your not impressed.
Is it safe to take off my Winter Solstice Glasses yet?
Whenever someone asks me to sign their cast, I always write: ‘last warning, you have a week to get the money together.’
My brother didnt take kindly to jail. He refused food & drink, and smeared feces on the walls. That`s the last time we`re playing Monopoly.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
Being an adult is a lot like going to the vet. We`re all excited for the ride until we realize what it`s like where we`re going.
Ladies, stop looking for a guy to sweep you off your feet. Sweeping is your job
Fun Things to do : Commenting “not your best” on everybody’s selfies.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.