Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
The lady walking ahead of me sped up so I did, she began running so I did, she screamed so I did. I never even saw what we were running from.
Ugh, I have an ingrown hair and it really hurts. This sounds like a job for medical marijuana.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Have you ever laughed so hard that no sound comes out and you sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal?
I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
Bored, so I’m going to find a kid that looks like me and tell him I’m him from the future.
I don`t make enough money to go on vacation so I`m just going to get drunk this weekend until I don`t know where I am.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
Pizza is like sex, when it is good it`s very good, When it`s bad...it`s still pretty good.