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People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
I would like to wish all of the groundhogs a very safe and happy Groundhogs Day.
¦It’s time to clean the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
Don`t under estimate me... unless you`re trying to guess how old I am or how much I weigh.
Put on my workout clothes before going to the donut store just to give the impression I earned this.
Repeat after me: It doesn’t matter how big the problem is, posting it on Facebook won’t solve it.
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
Today is "find your active cavity at 50% off" day at your local store.
The most effective way to torture young people is to make them watch old people use a computer.
I keep my TV volume at "screw the neighbors".
If I say sorry I missed you, better look really close the next time you cross the street, I don`t miss twice.
Couldn`t stay awake sitting on the couch, so I laid down in bed to make sure I wouldn`t fall asleep
No matter how stupid you feel, remember, Little Red Riding Hood couldn`t figure out a talking wolf in drag wasn`t her grandmother.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.