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There are over 4 million workplace injuries reported every year. Play it safe…call in sick tomorrow.
I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I like to finish all of my drive thru orders with, "And that`s for here."
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
It`s weird how we are all here because of boners
Not sure what to do with all the daylight we are saving.
Sometimes giving someone a second chance is like giving them an extra bullet for their gun because they missed the first time.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
How can I trust you when you keep running away every time I untie you?
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Apparently, playing dead only works on bears not ex boyfriends.
My sex life is like a Ferrari ... I don`t have a Ferrari
I party like a rockstar. A very poor rockstar who isn`t in a band.
Ever wonder if we`re just a reality TV show for a more intelligent species?
I wonder who the first person was to see an egg come out of a chickens butt and think...`That looks tasty, I`m gonna eat that.`