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Do you think they still give out chips in Gambler`s Anonymous?
It`s called "Biscotti" because nobody would buy "chocolate covered croutons".
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Common sense is like deodorant; those that need it most, don’t use it.
I thought about cleaning my room this weekend but didn`t do it. Then I remembered its the thought that counts so I feel better now
Double Stuff Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
Use a mirror and you will find, PI.E = 3.14
The best curve on a woman is her smile :) ...Hahahaha lmao! No I`m kidding, it`s her boobs.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
You know nothing about a woman until she`s drunk and mad at you
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.
If I’m ever murdered, I have no doubt that my chalk outline would include my phone in my hand.
“Nothing is impossible.” I disagree. I’m doing nothing right now… it’s totally possible.