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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
3 bottles of bleach: $15.00. One rope, 3 rolls of duct tape, and a shovel: $35.00. 3 boxes of trash bags: $10.00. The look on the cashier`s face: Priceless!
Rapper; "I`m killing them snitches, smacking then bitches, smokin blunts and f*ckin hoes!" *wins award* Rapper: "I just wanna thank god.."
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don`t understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words "gruesome discovery" coming from your TV on the morning news.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
Anyone who wastes my time is a clocksucker.
How dare you incinerate that I don`t know big words.
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
I don`t know why you are complaining about your appearance, your personality is even worse.
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
This coworker is about to find out walking around smiling on a Monday always leads to workplace accidents.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!