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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
Dancing in the 70`s: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
There are 3 levels of pain. 1. Pain 2. Excruciating pain 3. Stepping on a Lego
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
If you were home alone in the middle of the night, and you heard a fart, would you laugh or be scared.
Everything is so much funnier when you`re not allowed to laugh.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Today I recently discovered how to make my p@nis 12"...I just fold that b!tch in half.
Not all men cheat. Some of you women just assume you’re in a relationship with the guy.
Have you ever loved someone so much deep in your heart, you wanted to keep them hidden from the world and all to yourself? Well, apparently its called kidnapping.
I`m not interested in anything that requires 5 hours of energy.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
How do you expect kids to listen to their parents when Tarzan lives half naked, Cinderella comes home at midnight, Pinocchio lies all the time, Alladin is the king of thieves, Batman drives at 200 mph, Sleeping Beauty is lazy, and Snow White lives with 7 guys. We shouldn’t be surprised when they misbehave, they get it from their storybooks!