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Taco Bell is donating burritos to feed firefighters in Colorado. Talk about putting gas on the fire,
If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
I`m super lazy today! Which is like normal lazy, but I`m also wearing a cape.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
Lord, grant me the courage to be the person I am under my breath.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
Have you ever had a fly or small bug land on your computer screen and your first reaction is to try and scare it with the cursor?
This is why my kids dont take me places anymore ... Waitress: “Do u have any questions about the menu?” Me: ” Yes, What kind of font is this?”
Take my advice, I’m not going to use it.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
Trouble is just fun you got caught having.
Either I wrote a bunch of drunken Facebook status updates last night, or my dog has finally figured out the computer.