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Do you think that the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying, "if you build it they will come"?
If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
Christmas trees are like boobs...the fake ones are nice to look at... But the real ones are so much better
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
I have a tremendous sex drive ... My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
Any person can be nice to my face, but it takes a real friend to be nice behind my back.
I wish these people who sing songs on the radio would learn the words to the song, they keep messing me up!!
Life Tip: Get a birthday card with anything you are embarrassed to buy.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
Ever noticed that `beer can` in a british accent sounds exactly like `bacon` in a jamaican accent?
If we all had to wear a warning label, what would yours say?