Daily Silly Status

I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.

Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.

A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.

Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.

Not to brag but my new mistress is a lingerie model. OK, fine. A mannequin. But she doesn`t talk much and I like that.

Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!

I’ve been waiting 2 hours for an employee to come and wash my hands like the sign says….

don`t kiss the monitor, just ask me nicely..

Every job in the world should require their employees to enter and leave work in a Soul Train line.

Non alcoholic beer is like porn movie on a radio

Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls

I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.

Of course I like you, I gave you that roofie didn`t I?

Home is where the pants aren’t.

I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.