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Women can walk around all day long in a bikini, but God forbid if you see them in their bras and panties. I will never comprehend this.
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
No matter how old you are, an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube is still a light saber.
I`m all over that like a fat kid on a Smarty
Please don`t hastag out loud...
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
So you think you can study with your facebook activated? That`s cute! ^.^
You`re not laughing out loud. You know it and I know it
I work out ... Just kidding, I take naps.
My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.
Holy sh*t! Did you guys know Facebook has a "sign out" button?
"My name will live forever!" - Anonymous.
I used to play sports. Then realized you can buy trophies. Now I´m good at everything.
Folgers got it wrong. The best part of waking up is going back to bed after you pee.
I’d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!