Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
There comes a time in the day, when no matter what the question, the answer is booze.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
The internet has made me so ADD. Started off googling "how to replace a timing belt" ended up watching a video on how to milk a camel.
I feel bad for lions at zoos. How would you feel if a bunch of pizzas came to your house, took your picture, and you couldn’t even eat them?
Peppermint schnapps might seem like a ridiculous drink, but nobody at work ever complains about my breath.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
LIFE HACK: Sneak into doctor`s waiting rooms instead of subscribing to magazines.
Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild.
No one on Earth has a higher tolerance to cold temperatures than someone who wants to smoke a cigarette.
I’m having a free beer contest tonight. The 1st person to bring me a case of beer gets to watch me drink it. FOR FREE!