Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
Designated drivers just drive me to drink.
Knowing sign language is a handy skill when it comes to identifying schizophrenics at famous people`s funerals.
If life Sucks, what makes you think death doesn`t Blow??
If you don`t boo at people after bad sex, how do you expect to motivate them to get better?
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
You know you`re fat when you run out of breath eating.
Today, my wife asked "would you still love me if I was ugly and fat." "Yes, honey I do." was not the right answer.
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
I just heard someone say "I can`t wait for 13/13/13" .....let`s take a moment and pray for this dumbass
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
I`m returning these Gushers. They taste like sh!t. "Sir. Those are paintballs." Oh. I`m returning these paintballs. Someone ate a few.
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
She caught my iphone before it hit the ground... She`s definitely my screensaver