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I`m going to be very disappointed if I go to England and nobody skips to the loo.
I feel bad for kids nowadays who can`t get the toys they want because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug.
The Hulk just texted me a picture of a zucchini, I think?
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Some mornings I feel like leaving my coffee until its cold enough that I can just pour it directly into my eyes.
What if there actually is one legit Nigerian millionaire prince who genuinely needs to use your bank account?
If you work on a farm and your job is to take care of chickens, you are a chicken tender.
If you can´t read this, you´re illiterate.
Dishes are like boyfriends. My roommate should really stop doing mine
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door.