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I hate it when I buy organic veggies but when I get them home I find out they are regular frosted donuts...
If running away from my problems counts as exercise then yes, I work out a lot.
Momma left strict instructions to knock you out.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
Guys say that women should come with instructions, but what`s the point. Have you ever seen a man read instructions?
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Looks like I’m in the doghouse again, but I don’t know why. All I said to the wife was, “Is there anything important you want to tell me before the World Cup starts?”
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Due to no supervision and sheer lack of self control; I sincerely with GREAT guilt! Here now inform you. I ate your banana split
Afraid my muffin top is desiring to become a pound cake.
Who needs Google when you’ve got a wife who knows it all?
Whenever I want a klondike bar I just pay for it.