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People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they`re likely to cause.
My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
Men, remember to re-stock the spiders this weekend so she remembers why she keeps you around.
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
You’d think “attractive neighbor leaves curtains open” would appear in more real estate listings.
I`ll be thankful when this thankful month is over.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
If it were easy then everyone would act like me.
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
A girl updated her facebook status saying: All men are dogs and I commented • Which breed is your dad?
Sorry I missed your call ... I was to busy singing and dancing to the ringtone