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If you lose your shoe at the end of the night, you’re not Cinderella. You’re probably just drunk.
Any girl is a stripper if you wait outside her window long enough
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
4 out of 5 dentists agree that 1 out of 5 dentists is just doing it for the attention.
Key to a great marriage ... Lack of imagination.
From now on, I will be replacing the word `sh*t` with `sugar` in my facebook statuses, so that I don`t come across as being so f*cking vulgar all the time.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
You say illegal, I say added to my bucket list.
Remember, I`m always here if you need shoulders for your ankles to lie on.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
I recently added squats to my workouts by moving the beer into the bottom shelf of the fridge.