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This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
All things being considered......half of your friends are below average.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I used to make fun of my dog for barking at dogs on TV until I caught myself in the car pulling over for a siren on the radio.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I will be back in 5 minutes, if I am not then please read this again! :D
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
You know that awkward moment when you thought someone`s talking to you so you reply to them , then they look at you weird .
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
I don’t need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
My favorite exercise is a combination of a lunge and a crunch. It`s called lunch.