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If you watch COPS backwards it`s just a bunch of people overcoming miraculous obstacles to win free drugs
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Turbo tax might just be the worst video game I ever played.
I’m classically trained in the art of Nintendo.
I either get what I want or I change my mind!
Orange Hi-C counts as a serving of fruit, right?
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I’m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
I just saved a ton of $ on Christmas presents by discussing politics on FB.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
Some girls post the most depressing love sh!t that even I`m starting to miss their ex!!!
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
There are no absolutes in this world. Except vodka.