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Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.
Every morning I check my girlfriends horoscope to see what kind of day I`m going to have.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
Don`t mistake my middle finger as an offer.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
The success of a marriage hinges entirely on the ability to know which of your wife’s clothing is okay to go into the dryer.
Procrastinators Unite!! ... tomorrow.
That sound the Ketch-up make when you squeeze out the last drop, NEVER fails in making people laugh
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.