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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
Dad, I love how we don`t even have to say out loud that I`m your favorite. Happy Fathers Day!
Always be yourself, unless you can be Batman, always be Batman.
When I die I want my body donated to science, but more specifically a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life…
If you don’t like being tailgated then don’t play movies I like.
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.
I`ve decided that I`m an ass man. Don`t get me wrong, horses are beautiful. They just aren`t as cute as donkeys.
Whoever said the camera adds 10 pounds should stop eating cameras.
When I`m at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend.
I wonder how many identical twins are walking around now with the wrong names because their parents got them confused as infants and never figured it out.
It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.
I guess the teachers went back to school. The bar was nearly empty this morning.