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Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Winter needs to calm the f*ck down
It hurts to be in love. Oh wait, I`m sitting on my keys.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
The WWF advert asks, “When the ice goes, where do the polar bears go?” ... Well, swimming, I suppose.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions Note to self...avoid good intentions at all costs.
A lie is a great story that someone ruined with the truth.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
My favorite thing around the holidays is being put into a group message with 200 people reply "Who`s This"
WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
I wish they all could be Jerry Springer girls.
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.