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He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him.
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
How come when a girl has sex with everyone she`s a slut but when a guy has sex with everyone he`s my boyfriend
loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
I hope manners is the next cool trend.
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you... I would start thinking about you.
If you cry loudly enough, your boss will usually let you go home.
It would serve me better if they put shopping carts in the middle of the store where my pride realizes I have too much sh!t to carry.
I hate long distance relationships. That`s why I moved the fridge into my bedroom.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.