Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sent my ex a card that said, "Get better soon." He`s not ill, just really crappy in bed.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
I bought my mother in-law one of those atomic clocks. I can`t wait for the alarm to go off.
"Never pick a fight with an ugly person. They`ve got nothing to lose." -Robin Williams
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
My dentist said I grind at night. I was like, ok stalker.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
Beer is the answer...but I can`t remember the question.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.