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My dog acts like his entire family was murdered by a vacuum cleaner.
I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I just ended a 5 year relationship. Luckily it wasn`t mine.
Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you ... Priceless
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
Using a public restroom always reminds me how much better I am at flushing a toilet than a lot of other people.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life!
I put the hot in psychotic.
It`s gonna be hotter than Billy Ray Cyrus after watching his daughters performance on the VMA`s tomorrow!
I will never forget the day when she said yes to me because that was the last time we agreed on anything.
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.