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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
People that use statistics in everyday arguments are a$$holes 100% of the time.
Why isn’t “cheating” a relationship status on Facebook?
I hate it when teachers say, “You think it’s funny?” Obviously it is, if it wasn’t I wouldn’t be laughing
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
My hand has never pumped so hard for a little squirt. Stupid empty soap bottle.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
Keep the dream alive, hit the snooze button.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
I can’t remember ever being told I’m a bad listener
I think my iPhone is broken. I pressed the home button and I’m still at work.
This isn`t a bakery. We don`t sugarcoat sh!t