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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
My ex is living proof as to how stupid I can be.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
There is always something to be thankful for. If you can’t pay your bills, you can be thankful you are not one of your creditors.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
FB friends, no one gives a ratsass what concerts you went to...
What about a To-Don`t List?
Karma’s only a bitch if you are.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
Good mothers let you lick the beaters when they`re making a cake. Great mothers turn the mixer off first.
Common sense has become so rare it should be classified as a superpower.