Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Still haven`t answered my life`s calling... I`ve always just assumed it dialed the wrong number.
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
You are so selfish! You´re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night!
"is Pepsi ok?" - my coke dealer, tryin to be funny
A vegan friend on FB said if we had to kill our own food, we wouldn`t eat meat... I think if he had to build his own computer he couldn`t whine on FB.
I`m beginning to think that my destiny in life is just to be a bad example that other people can learn from.
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
You know the best side effect of losing weight? Supersonic hearing. I can hear the crinkle of a candy wrapper or bag of chips through walls.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
The world is full of nice guys who want naughty girls who want bad boys who want nice girls who want nice guys.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
As far as distractions go ... I like to think I`m a good one.