Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can`t see it, but you know when you`ve lost it.
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
My Memory.....The Second shortest thing I have.
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
I just had a moment of clarity. Glad that`s over with.
Me blacking out when I`m drunk is God`s way of telling me that what I do when I drink is none of my business.
Just saw a homeless guy sleeping in a box and it was surrounded by bubble wrap. It must be his alarm system.
I`m going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I am outstanding.
They told me to never give up. Now they call me a stalker.
Anyone else has a plastic bag at home full of plastic bags?
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Do you think the dude that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?
Orgasms are alot like pizza. As long as I have pizza I don`t really care if you don`t have any pizza.
"Always leave them wanting more" is my new mantra when paying bills.