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A sure fire way to lose an afternoon, is to help a friend out when he says "come on it will only take a half hour to fix"
Urgh..I just dropped my phone, are you guys alright?
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
We all have that friend who acts innocent but understands all the dirty jokes.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
I’m glad MTV has shows like Teen Mom 3 so girls have good role models besides Miley.
I rather be a known drunk, than an Anonimous Alcoholic
*Hears a joke about a chocolate bar* *Snickers*
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
I just lost my mood ring, I don`t know how I feel about that.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.