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Weird when someone vanishes from your Facebook feed for 3 years then suddenly reemerges with the results of a "Which Muppet Are You?" quiz.
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Life is not a garden so quit being a hoe
I love you all so much right now because, well, alcohol.
The circus may no longer come to town but at least we’re guaranteed to always see a few clowns in Washington.
Stalking is when two people go for a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.
The hour that we lose this weekend is the one that I was planning on going to the gym.
since when was it cool to have an iPhone at the age of 10.. i sincerely hope those parents know what they`ve done.
All true wisdom is found on T-Shirts.
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
How can I learn to be more patient? (I`m only interested in quick-fix solutions with immediate results please)
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
I like calling the Psychic Hotline and asking them what I`m wearing.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
If I didn’t drink, how would my friends know I loved them at 2AM?