Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I had the urge to clean my place today so I laid down until the urge went away.
I hate it when the credit card bills come in and I have to have sex with my husband.
Traffic jams are more tolerable if you just think of them as really boring parades.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
Smiling gives you wrinkles. Resting bitch face keeps you pretty.
Press 1 for someone who probably learned English last month, but is going to try and communicate effectively with you anyway.
Despite being a pain in the a$$, you have to admit I still bring a lot to the table.
If your girlfriend says she`s going out to run some errands and comes back with 6 bags from the mall...You might be dating my wife.
I just realized that I haven`t done the "Hockey Pokey" in over 10 years. I guess when you get older, you just forget what it`s all about.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
:): The Bipolar smiley face
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.