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My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Autocorrect is a great feature, but it can also be your worst enema.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
People with pierced nipples have no excuse for losing their keys.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
I believe in equality. If we have a 5 day week of work, we should have 5 day weekends as well dammit.
When I die I want someone to play that little death jingle from Mario Bros at my funeral.
Never marry a tennis player " love means nothing to them "
I felt really mischievous earlier so I bought a McDonalds and ate it at a KFC
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so that I could slap 8 people at once.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
If you want to go running with me, you`d better be prepared to walk a lot.