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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
McDonald’s steps 1) Get really excited about it 2) Eat it 3) Regret eating it 4) Wish you were dead 5) Repeat in a few months
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I`m really good at acting like I`m sorry the elevator door is closing and you missed it.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Someone needs to take a chain saw to your family tree.
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
If you guys could read my mind! It would be all like; " "
If my week was a YouTube video, Monday would be that crappy ad that doesn`t let you skip.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x. She`s not coming back. And we don`t no y either.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
I’m planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Now that cell phones are becoming more and more waterproof, pretty soon it will be okay to push people into pools again...