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Ever have the experience of staring at an outfit hanging in your closet and wondering which of the personalities did the shopping that day?
My favorite part of the day? The food part.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Patient: She`s out of town.
This liquor store needs a dollar menu.
My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it`s because she`s a big dumb stinkyhead that`s jealous of my awesome Transformers collection.
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
Do NOT accept friend requests from Hormel Foods, it could be spam...
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
Spent morning at the farmers market carefully selecting fruits and vegetables to throw away next Saturday.
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
The name CONstitution sounds so negative. Since `pro` is the opposite of `con` we should call it prosti..... oh wait.
I hate to rub it in, but lotion doesn`t really work otherwise.
Conversation between Adam and Eve must have been difficult at times because they had nobody to talk about.