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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
I feel like dinner parties are secretly competitions about who watches the most news and documentaries
I`d like to be poor for a day, because being poor everyday gets to be real annoying after awhile.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you`ll get what you want.
Frankly auto correct,I`m getting tired of your shirt.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
When it comes to f*cking around, I don`t f*ck around.
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.