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Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don´t know when.
Todays hot tip: Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don`t mix.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
When the sign says: DO NOT TOUCH I read: Touch when nobody is looking.
Saying “do I smell popcorn ” right after you fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Life is a constant battle between my love of food & not wanting to get fat.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Everyone`s self worth should only be measured by how useful they would be in the zombie apocalypse.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Laptop speakers, too quiet for music, too loud for porn.
When I see a girl with a lot of makeup, I want to use my finger and write WASH ME on her face…
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds