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Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
I`ve just borrowed a book on surgery from my local library. Apparently someone`s taken the appendix out.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
All these people are talking about finding Jesus, finding love, finding themselves... I`m like I found 63 cents and four Fritos in the couch!
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
If you ever get caught sleeping during work, just slowly raise your hand and say "In Jesus name I pray, Amen."
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
I did a half hour on the treadmill each day last week. This week, I`m up to 1 hour a day. I`m slowly building up to actually turning it on some time in the future.
The party`s not over `till you smile for the mugshot
We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
I hate when the remote is way over there
Life gets expensive when you trust a woman that`s cute.
I`d totally order a salad bar. If it had lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, ketchup, mustard, hamburger and buns.
I swear, if Facebook changes their layout one more time, I’m going to post a status update about it & then use their site as much as always.