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The earth moves 1.6 million miles per day. So no I didn`t just "lay in bed and watch TV all day" I traveled very far thank u
Right before I die, my last words will be, "I left a million dollars in the........
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
I think when a restaurant has "lobster celebration" it is very misleading to the lobster.
They say you need about 2000 calories a day. Ok, time to do math. 65 calories in one fluid ounce of Jack Daniel`s means i need 30 shots tonight.
Why is it that when my wife refers to her friends as "girlfriends" its normal but when i call my male friends "boyfriends" i lose my friends?
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
How can I be expected to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count?
Best Pregnancy T-Shirt… “9 Months Sober”
I like to refer to myself as a "Second-hand Vegetarian". Animals eat grass. I eat animals.
Sorry, Mr. Homeless Guy, here’s the story. I’m in college. I work part time and I can only support one of our alcohol problems.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.
Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one
When in doubt, read Facebook Statuses, you`ll see you`re not the only crazy one around