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If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
I like the parts of the day when food happens.
My retirement plan is just $1,000 & a plane ticket to wherever these kids are living on 15 cents a day.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
The way I figure it, whatever doesn’t kill me has lost it’s chance.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
My doctor told me, "DON`T mix this medicine with alcohol or you could wake up somewhere naked with a monkey on your arm." CHALLENGE ACCEPTED
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy.
Sleep is for people with no internet connection.
Hangman was my favorite childhood learning game that promoted hanging someone for a wrong answer.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one