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I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
My car said "low on fuel"..I replied "low on cash"..I`m still waiting for a reply..
I love Alfredo sauce ... Unless you`re a dude named Alfredo.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
These kids next door to me need to quit yelling. I`m about to wake up their mom and send her back over there.
Sometimes I like to take a roll of duct tape and use it to cover up all the Mondays on my desk calendar.
When people ask for my advice, I advise them not to take my advice. That really screws them up.
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.