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I downloaded this app called "Hide & Go Seek". Ever since then I cant find my damn phone.
So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
I don`t care how smart your phone is, it`s not going to change how stupid you are.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Eventually we’re just gonna have to accept “ducking” is a swear word.
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
I bet the women who only post about sex are probably some of the nicest men you’ll ever meet in person.