Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
If you think nobody cares if you´re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Tip of the day: Don`t piss off anyone who has unlimited access to your toothbrush.
I don`t care if its a scam! Just the fact that the Prince of Nigeria sends me personal email makes me feel special!
You know when you’re exercising and feel like you could keep going and going? That’s happening to me, only with beer.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, "I`d so tap that."
A woman just dropped a 20 dollar bill next to me. I thought, `What would Jesus do?`, so I turned it into wine ... Well, I bought wine.