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Why go to a therapist when a woman will explain everything wrong about you free of charge?
All I ask is to one day live in a house with secret passages.
So the other day a girl asked me to Facebook her, needless to say she wasn`t to happy after I hit her in the face with a book
Have you ever noticed the irony behind “hyphenated” and “non-hyphenated”?
Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there everyday, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.
Roses Are Red, Violets Are Red, Trees Are Red ... F*ck? my gardens on fire!
I guess not everyone at this grocery store is as comfortable with my nudity as I am. ;)
Sometimes bigger is just heavier
I did not mean to hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I just figured you already knew.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
The real trouble with reality is that there`s no background music.
If you`re "just sayin", then just shut the hell up.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.