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A synonym is a word you use when you can`t remember how to spell the other word.
OMG you guys! Almost hit a jogger while i was taking a selfie and driving today...so please you guys, be careful, do NOT jog.
I always wonder if the people sitting near me at church every Sunday are unsettled by the fact that I take my communion like a shot of cheap vodka because I`m still in a party mode
How come "you`re a peach" is a complement but "you`re bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
Maybe Oscar wouldn`t have been so grouchy if the people on Sesame Street cared about the fact that he`s homeless
Instead of going to couples therapy, married people should just join tinder and see what a nightmare single people have to deal with.
Fitbits are just like Tamagotchis, except the stupid little creature you have to keep alive is yourself.
Boys will be boys... unless they get a sex change.
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
Kissing a sleeping woman in an animated Disney movie is romantic but do it on a bus and the judge doesn`t agree.
I will be forever in your debt if you would just loan me 1 million dollars.