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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Sometimes I feel bad about the things I say and do, but today is not one of those days.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
I hate when someone has a loud conversation on their cell phone and then gives me dirty looks for jotting down everything they say.
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
There`s a Bullying Support Group meeting, tomorrow night at 8 ... You`d better f*cking be there.
Breaking News: Viagra shippment stolen... Cops are looking for a gang of hardened criminals.