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These last 7 hours at work are always the longest.
Too bad you can’t get abs from laughing at your own jokes, because I would have an 8 pack.
All milk is breast milk.
I don`t get why he counts the beer before he leaves to work... There`s never any left when he comes home.
My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she`s died so I could get out of having to go somewhere
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
People are so predictable..I bet you`re even reading this status right now.
According to Pinterest, I`m severely under-utilizing mason jars.
Well h€ll, I was going to post a status about my p€cker, but it was too long.
Don`t blame me, I was born awesome ;)
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
I like to skip when I`m carrying my flamethrower cause no one ever suspects a skipping girl of starting fires.
It is impossible to look cool while holding onto a leash attached to a dog who is taking a crap.
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.