Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Something about today makes me want to be hungover tomorrow.
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
Stages of beard length: 1.) sexy stubble 2.) sea captain beard 3.) prisoner of war beard 4.) homeless person beard 5.) wizard beard
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
I puked in the backseat of my friend`s brand new Mustang in the Fall of 1989. There wasn`t any social networking back then, so I`m telling you all now...
When I say “wow, that’s crazy”, 99 percent of the time, it means I haven’t been listening to a word of your conversation.
I need a partner in wine.
You have to PAY for a speeding ticket?! I thought it was a reward for beating other drivers..
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
"Stop, Drop, and Roll" is not JUST an effective fire safety technique, but also a very memorable way of getting out of a boring conversation. :P
I feel like we really lowered our expectations of what constitutes magic when we began using it to describe markers