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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
If you are naughty go to your room, if you wanna be naughty go to mine :)
My wife thinks I`m at work. My boss thinks I`m home sick. These ducks think I`m awesome because I have the bread.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
If you really want to impress me with the year a bottle of wine was made, bring me one from 2024....
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
My mom says I`m special.
If you like counting to three, you are going to love parenting.
The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
Guys would stay home longer if boobs came in a 30 pack.
I told everybody at work that I`ve got 18 cats just to make sure none of them ever want to come over for anything.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.
I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food´s food!