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If every U.S. sports team converted to metric, Americans would understand the metric system by the next game.
To the people that post 15 pics of your kid everyday,your kid looks EXACTLY the same as they did ystrdy,and the day before,and the day before that
Tequila... cuz the bed isn`t goin to spin itself!
I got up at 7:00 this morning .. lather rinse repeat ... How long do you have to do this for?
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
the difference between people and celebreties ...... celebreties don`t have a routine
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
The fact that Burger King can sell you 10 chicken nuggets for $1.49 should concern you more than it should entice you.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
Gee I wish I could push the envelope... But it`s stationary.
I`m not anti-social I`m just pro leave me the f*ck alone.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not a flow chart?
Never take advice from people on the Internet. Not even this.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
Teacher:If I had 2 oranges in my left hand and 2 mangoes in my right hand, what would I have?? Student:Big hands!!