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Why don’t television shows say, “You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?”
My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
I knew you were coming so I baked a cake ... It was delicious.
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I’m not the only one asking google stupid questions.
I remember when downloading a song meant trying to tape it off the radio while hoping the DJ didn´t talk over the song.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
My life coach just informed me that I didnt make the team
Let’s fix the obesity problem AND improve eye-hand coordination by replacing vending machines with claw machines, make people earn snacks.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!